She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
