Life is so much better after having sex.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
