The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
