booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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