i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
