It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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