before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Randomize
