At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I am never drinking with the goths again.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
