Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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