I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Randomize
