just tell him i said nine months
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Randomize
