5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
