Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
and she was petting her beer can
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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