My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
