i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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