I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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