Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Dignity is for republicans.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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