we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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