She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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