I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Randomize
