He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
