ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
