Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize