dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
