remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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