if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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