Ketchup is God's man juice
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
