you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
