I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
