it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
