If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I checked into jail on foursquare
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
