I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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