And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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