My sheets look like a crime scene.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
