you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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