If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
