do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
