weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
