if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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