am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
