Don't you send me to vm
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Randomize
