i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
