billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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