She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
