Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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