we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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