my room smells like sperm. sweet.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
