I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
third nipple confirmed
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
