I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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