it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
