i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
