farters have to be the big spoon...
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
