The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
