Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
We're not piercing ourselves today.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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