i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
