There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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