Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
We have so much sex to catch up on
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
