We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You are the jesus of drinking
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
