what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize